“40 years of painful silence”- Pam Shriver reveals she had ‘an inappropriate and damaging relationship’ with 50 years old coach
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Pam Shriver
ESPN tennis expert and Hall of Famer Pam Shriver on Wednesday made some shocking revelations about her personal life. The former Doubles No.1 shared that she was in an inappropriate and damaging relationship with her then coach back when she was only 17 years old. Shriver also revealed that the relationship with her first coach continued for five long years.
Shriver decided to share personal details from her life in an interview with The Telegraph. She revealed how these are very personal things in her life and things that she is not proud of but wanted to share for enlightenment as she wants the current generation of players and coaching staff to be more aware and maintain their professional boundaries.c
“I believe abusive coaching relationships are alarmingly common in sport as a whole,” Pam Shriver wrote in The Telegraph about her relationship with Don Candy. “My particular expertise, though, is in tennis, where I have witnessed dozens of instances in my four-and-a-bit decades as a player and commentator. Every time I hear about a player who is dating their coach, or I see a male physio working on a female body in the gym, it sets my alarm bells ringing.”
The 59-year-old hailing from Los Angeles was a metronome during her. Although she did not win a Grand Slam in singles, Pam Shriver was very competitive as she attained the highest ranking of World No.3. It was in doubles where she had the stronghold as she won a mammoth 121 career doubles titles including Grand Slams titles.
Pam Shriver had an inappropriate relationship with her coach Don Candy
Shriver started her career in 1978, at the age of 15 as she traveled with Don Candy who was her coach and was also her guardian on tour. She won a mammoth 21 Grand Slam titles between 1981-91 with her partner Martina Navratilova.
Her relationship with Candy started when Shriver was only 17 and it became sexual when she turned 20 as Shriver revealed. “It was during a time that was a really difficult time for me to have my first relationship,” Shriver told Jeremy Schaap in an OTL interview. “It never should have been with my coach and … I’ve just realized that it’s time to talk about my story and hopefully make it easier for some other people who’ve also had stories that are similar.”
The Hall of Famer revealed that Candy never sexually abused her but she definitely felt some emotional abuse. Their secret was gradually out in the open on the women’s professional tour. She also revealed how Candy was cheating on his wife with her. However, Shriver shared that she had genuine love and affection towards Candy despite being 33-years older than her.
“I still have conflicted feelings about Don,” Shriver added. “Yes, he and I became involved in a long and inappropriate affair. Yes, he was cheating on his wife. But there was a lot about him that was honest and authentic. And I loved him. Even so, he was the grown-up here. He should have been a trustworthy adult. In a different world, he would have found a way to keep things professional. Only after therapy did I start to feel a little less responsible. Now, at last, I’ve come to realize that what happened is on him.”
Shriver opened up to her father but never really had the courage to speak it out to her mother. It became very difficult for her to juggle a secret and also focus on her tennis as she wanted to be the best. “And because I was, you know, living the life of trying to be the best tennis player I could be, I really didn’t understand how difficult the secret and the juggling was. And so I just kept it to myself,” she revealed.
The 59-year-old shared how she did not know where to go and whom to tell about her secrets. It is only after the relationship was over she understood what she went through and what help she needed. “I really didn’t know where to go to and I wasn’t sure how to ask for help. And it really wasn’t until sometime later, like really when the relationship was over, that I realized how much help I did need at the time.”
Lastly, she shared why revealing her is important as it should give young tennis players and coaches an example of things that they should not indulge in and keep a professional relationship whilst safeguarding everyone’s priority and mental peace.
“I just feel like it’s time for me. I feel like it’s important for my healing. And it’s important that I can maybe feel that me coming forward and talking about my story in detail, might just help a few young players. Maybe it’ll help coaches to understand that they need to not cross that boundary,” Shriver concluded.
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Atrayo Bhattacharya
(193 Articles Published)